Social media can be a great way to stay connected to your friends from highschool and college, However, like any tool it can a source for both connection and disconnection. like any tool, its impact depends on how it’s used. When not navigated with intention, it can quietly undermine even the most loving relationships. The biggest culprits? Unspoken meanings, unclear boundaries, and the ever-present comparison trap. Mark Twain and others are credited with the saying that “comparison is the thief of joy”.
Even in the most secure partnerships, comparison can sneak in. Social media thrives on curation. You see the luxurious vacations, the picture-perfect proposals, the gourmet dinners—and none of the arguments, disconnection, or doubts. This selective view can quietly erode your sense of contentment. Suddenly, your imperfect (but real) relationship feels inadequate when compared to someone else’s carefully edited highlight reel.
And here’s the kicker: comparison often triggers our deepest insecurities. Maybe you’re craving more quality time or commitment, and scrolling through happy-couple content just turns the volume up on that longing. But the solution isn’t to police your partner’s behavior or spiral into resentment. It’s to recognize that social media is not the full story. Your relationship doesn’t need to be photogenic to be meaningful.
When Meaning Isn’t Shared
Social media is not just a tool—it’s a symbol. And symbols carry meaning that varies based on our family of origin, cultural background, and life experiences. What Instagram or Snapchat represents to one person might feel entirely different to their partner. For some, it’s a scrapbook. For others, it’s a private space. Unless you talk about what social media means to each of you, you may misunderstand each other’s behavior online. That misunderstanding can snowball into conflict.
Digital Boundaries Are Important
“Boundaries” tends to be a loaded word. But when it comes to digital life, boundaries are less about restriction and more about clarity. They help you show up in ways your partner can actually feel.
In my work with couples, digital boundaries are now a standard part of the conversation. We live in a world where the line between our online and offline selves is increasingly blurred. Pretending that social media exists in a vacuum will only create confusion and resentment.
Here’s a few thoughts worth exploring with your partner:
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Do we update our relationship status?
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How much do we share online about our relationship?
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Who do we follow, and does that matter to us?
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What are our expectations around DMs, comments, and likes?
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Do we share login information—or is that off the table?
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How much time online feels okay, and when does it start to intrude?
It’s not about creating rules to control each other—it’s about mutual understanding and fostering emotional safety.
Social Media Together
Here are a few simple practices for you and your partner to consider:
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Make time for each other without screens
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Be sure to check-in before posting about your partner
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Avoid snooping—it never ends well
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If it would feel inappropriate in person, it’s inappropriate online
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Don’t assume tone or intent—clarify instead
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Keep the conversation about social media open and ongoing
It might feel silly to talk about social media and how it impacts each of you and your relationship. It can elicit real feelings. Your feelings are important to share with your partner now. We can be assured that social media isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Be proactive, talk with your partner about how you each use social media and how it effects you both. It’s okay to step away from social media for an evening together and just talk, like you did when you were first getting to know each other.
