If you’re considering couples therapy, you’ve probably come across two leading approaches: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method. Both are highly respected, research-based frameworks that help couples improve their connection—but they work in different ways. You’re probably wondering about how to choose the right approach for your relationship or maybe you don’t have to choose.
Focus
-
EFT centers on emotional bonding and attachment needs. It helps couples understand and heal the deep-rooted patterns of disconnection by accessing and sharing vulnerable emotions.
-
Gottman Method focuses on building relationship skills: communication, conflict resolution, friendship, and shared meaning. It’s grounded in decades of observational research on what makes relationships succeed or fail.
Therapeutic Goals
-
EFT aims to deepen emotional intimacy by helping partners become more responsive and engaged with each other’s needs and fears.
-
Gottman seeks to strengthen relationship behaviors—like how you manage conflict, express appreciation, or support each other’s dreams.
How Do They Work in Session
-
In EFT, the therapist helps you explore vulnerable emotions and interrupt negative cycles (like “pursue-withdraw” patterns). Sessions often feel emotionally deep and experiential.
-
In Gottman-based therapy, you’ll learn specific tools: “soft start-ups,” “repair attempts,” the “Four Horsemen” of conflict, and how to build rituals of connection. Sessions can include exercises, homework, and structured conversations.
Which is Best
-
EFT may be best if:
-
You feel emotionally distant or misunderstood.
-
There’s been a breach of trust or emotional injury.
-
You want to feel closer, but something keeps getting in the way.
-
-
Gottman may be best if:
-
You argue frequently and want better conflict management tools.
-
You feel like roommates and want to rebuild connection.
-
You value practical structure and behavioral strategies.
-
Evidence & Success Rates
Both approaches are backed by decades of solid research:
-
EFT has shown that 70–75% of couples move from distress to recovery, with lasting effects.
-
Gottman Method is based on 40+ years of research with over 3,000 couples, identifying key behaviors that predict long-term success or failure.
Must You Decide?
Maybe not. You may think of EFT as helping you to reconnect emotionally, while Gottman as helping to rebuild how you relate day to day. Some therapists like me, integrate both—using Gottman tools for structure and EFT principles to deepen emotional healing. I learned about Emotionally Focused Therapy from the Gottmans which was all the prompting I needed to investigate, get trained and love them both for their evidence-base and highly compatable and complementary approaches to supporting couples in reconnecting and appreciating the unique beings that we humans surely are. Let’s talk!
